They say your life flashes in front of you in one brief second and in that brief second you see every decision you’ve made and everyone’s life you have ever affected and all this occurs within one second. All the decisions I ever made culminated and inundated, in a movie for your personal viewing. But this wasn’t a funeral or any real encounter with death…just a wedding. Well, maybe a ending of an era of the leisure & extra-curriculum activities enjoyed by a gentleman but far from any glimpses with the grim reaper & St. Peter at Heaven’s gate.
Maybe I shouldn’t have never blinked before the moment I said “”I do”. She deserved better, she never asked to meet my past just to enjoy the fruits of labor from what I learned making mistakes and to allow me to show and prove…she deserved the best of me. The blink before I confirmed my eternity shouldn’t have been filled with the faces of women’s hearts I’ve broken.
I don’t remember who was the first little girl on the playground, I directed my fondness through love taps & secret crushes towards, but I do remember my first rejection. I was on the way home from school, stopped at the candy lady’s house for a “flip”, and a young, hair parted down the middle “Kim” (just to protect the innocent) was standing in the front of a line of kids. She was a “red” flip kind of girl. I never been able to decipher what actual flavor “red” consisted of other than sugar & some red colored kool-aid, but I was always a pine apple flip type of fellow. The pine apple flip always had fruit frozen in it and due to gravity, the fruit sank to the bottom. So when you flipped it up-side down, you had a bit more substance to enjoy. I guess I love SUBSTANCE!
Probably, for the past couple of days, a crush grew upon me. Although the origin of these feelings are unknown, they existed. Maybe it was her answering every question in class or that she smiled at me all the time when we were sharpening pencils in home room; all I know is that I liked her & I wanted her to be “my girl.” So, I did what any respectable boy would do, I spent all my time in energy on a question, just to make sure my hand writing was legible. Yes it was on a piece of paper with a common ultimatum, “Do you like me? Please check box under yes or no”. Although, it resembled a multiple choice test question, it was concrete & simple…
Her response, “No” Check! I would be a liar if I told you my little boy feelings weren’t broken. A better word would be crushed; my first bout with rejection left a bitter taste in my mouth that not even a pickled egg, I thought would be more of a victory snack, could soothe.
I walked home by myself, took a longer route, figured I would clear my thoughts and get myself together…by the time I was home, my feelings weren’t hurt anymore but that rejected feeling was there…dwelling. Did it consume me?
Oh, by the way, my name isn’t important, but my story is synonymous…